to be or not to be....

Ok, ok.. so I'm really not a philosopher and I really don't have any deep thoughts to share right now.. but I do have a smile and I'm pretty happy to boot so.. it's all good right?!

I've been a remiss journalist here. I know. I bite the big one lately. I'm hoping with my new schedule that begins next week I am able to get back on track. The one I've been on the last 3 months has been a kicker and I've been struggling A LOT lately.

Lets just dive in to see what's been going on in our neck of the woods shall we? This might be a multi step post here so please be patient.. not all is well even though the Doctors are stumped and don't have any ideas why it's not well.

About a week or so ago I got to meet a Neurologist for the first time. Not an experience I wish to revisit anytime soon. The best I can say about him and his actions are not fit to print on a publication I plan on printing off for my daughter to read someday so.. we'll just be happy with.. nope. can't print that either.

Anyways, the reason for the visit you wonder? I've had a few 'episodes' recently since the day after Jason's birthday back in March. They aren't seizures but when I describe them it sounds similar to one.. but not really.

I had been sick a while back with flu-like symptoms, Jason was leaving for work and gave me some anti nausea medicine which, we found out later did not like me at all.. rather, my body did not like it at all and responded in a semi extreme way to it.

I remember waking up around 3:30 in the morning that night shaking, restless and thinking 'If I could just stop shaking and get comfortable, I could fall back asleep.' The next time I was aware of what was going on and I was able to look at the clock again it was around 4:30. The shaking, restless movements of my body had been going off and on the whole time.

Fast forward to when Jason got home from work the next morning, I told him about the odd thing that happened and that I thought I might of been having a seizure- like episode. Because I was so exhausted from what had happened the night before, I went to lay on the couch that afternoon and ka-blam. Another episode happened. And another. I was able to call out to Jason so that he would be able to a) witness it, b) protect Jules should anything bad happen(she was trying to jump on me during it) and c) protect me if anything bad should happen to me.

Scary.

Eventually we decided to go to the Doctor. Brilliant right? We're geniuses I know. They did a CT, brain looked great, no issues, just a crazy woman in the ER with a crazy story.

Fast forward a few more weeks.. and it happens again. This time I was laying on the couch downstairs relaxing. I had just taken an Ibuprofen earlier for a headache, didn't think anything of it, went downstairs to lie down.. and a little mini episode happens.

Another week or two goes by.. Angie's at work this time mind you.. stressful day.. very stressful - flooding, gas emergencies, short staff etc.. and I had another episode. I had to hand over the area I was covering to another associate, excused myself from the office.. went into a private conference room.. and convulsed all by my lonesome. Lovely.

Now here's the kicker. I can feel when it's going to happen. I can feel it coming on. Sometimes I can control the severity of it.. others not so much.

The first time I experienced this.. issue shall we call it? I thought that the right side of my brain was bleeding. I was aware of the cold sweat I was in. My muscles were spasming but I was able to move.. painfully and slowly. I was conscious and I had pretty coherent thoughts going through my head.

That next afternoon for the second one, I felt a twitch- like itchiness in my right shoulder. My muscles were spasming but not out of control.. kinda like when you get the willies but instead of releasing the tension when the moment passed.. mine kept getting tighter and tighter. I could, with considerable effort, focus on Jason and respond in time to his questions as it happened. He said my skin was ice cold while it was happening.

The third time, same twitchiness but since I knew what was going to happen, I did some deep breathing exercises and it seemed to help calm the issue. It still happened but it wasn't the severity of the two previous episodes.

The fourth time.. I felt it coming like a freight train. I knew I had to get out of the room and into the conference room for privacy immediately. Once I made it through the worst of it, I was able to call Jason and let him know what had happened while I recovered. It was almost an hour after the fact that I could get my right hand to fully unclench from the spasms.

The fifth time.. the very next day, I was at work again, it was a calm day, I was again able to breathe through it and nothing major happened. No one around me was any the wiser to what I had just gone through.

Fast forward a bit further and I'm at my 9am Neurologist appointment which I had received a letter in the mail from them stating that if I were not to show or was late to the appointment, I would be charged $100. A fine? Seriously? Yep.

Guess what time the oh so lovely Neurologist showed up? 9:15? Nope. 9:21? Nope. 9:45? Nope. Try 9:46. The bloody... good for nothing.. snotty.. bleepity bleep donkeys butt... finally shows up. Mind you, my Doctor had warned me the Neurologists office isn't known for the best patient mannerisms but.. seriously? The balls.

His reason for being late? Major emergency, saving somebodies life due to a major 17 car pile up on the way into work? Nope. He was making breakfast for some old friends visiting from Chicago. Ran a little late.

Yep. You read that right.

As he proceeded to treat me like a total imbecile who was wasting his time.. yep.. me wasting his time.. he proceeded to ask my why I was there, why my Doctor would have thought there would be any need to bother him and his megalomaniac brain with my piddly troubles. Bitter? Nah.. You would think he'd want to know my response to those answers right? Nope. Each time either I or Jason tried to answer him, he'd interrupt us and talk right over us. Nice.

The highlight of the appointment? The nasty fungus that he is :) had to go to another room to look at my CT scans. In his attempt to try and remove the disc that the CT's were on from his computer.. he crashed it all down to the ground. Monitors, hard drives, printers.. the whole shebang. It was a really loud boom. So bad, Jason left the room to see if anyone was hurt and needed help. Foo-boo you, you nasty amoeba. I know it's petty but it still makes me smile to know that he more than likely broke his computer system in his high and mightiness.

I always try to find a bright side.

So.. the good news is, I'm not epileptic. The bad news.. no clue what caused it or why - possibly just a really bad reaction to medicines interacting together and we just have to wait it out and see what happens.

Nice right?

Bright side? I'm not epileptic.

Bless my Angels for looking out for me will ya.. and say a Thank you to Good guy upstairs? I'd appreciate it.

Love ya,
Ang